WTF?

WTF? is the only web acronym that I have ever used. I never bought into web acronyms especially since many are sayings I would NEVER use. "Laugh out loud" "Roll on the floor laughing"...NEVER. I have to admit the extended version of WTF is something that I do say often. Not used in the sense that Tom Cruise did in that 80's classic "Risky Business" where the mantra and theme to the movie was "Sometimes you just have to say what the f---"
It's mostly used by me when my sense of amazement and wonder for something either ludicrous or downright stupid leaves me at a loss for more intelligent words. Sister Alice a good friend of my family, used to say "Swears are for people who don't have the intelligence to use smarter words".
Of course followed with "and if you use them you're going to hell!"

But there are certain things that you just have to say WTF?!? Examples:
- When that person cuts you off to get ahead then drives slower than you.
- The bagger at the grocery store packs the gallon of milk and orange juice on top of the eggs.
- The Platypus
These things make me either scream it out loud or at least bellowing in my mind. I do try to use some decorum and don't just blurt it out like I have tourette's.
One of my more WTF?!? moments started on a trip out to Portland,Oregon last month. I was taking in the city on my first night and saw a sign that made me actually say WTF out loud.
It was a neon sign in the window of a convenience store for the Budweiser "Chelada".
The Chelada is a blend of fine crafted Budweiser and, are you ready......Clamato juice! (they also have a bud light version for you more calorie conscience individuals)
Go ahead and say it. WTF!?!?!?!?!
For those of you who don't know Clamato is exacty what it sounds like. A mixture of tomato and clam juice. I was amazed by this concoction and honestly thought it was a joke. What "genius" came up with this? Does he still have a job? Does the person who green lighted this Frankenstein of a beverage still have a job?
Now don't get me wrong. I've seen people drink red eyes before. Good ol' beer and tomato juice. But it was two other factors that really caused me too say WTF. The clam of course, and the fact that someone actually said "oh yeah! we should can this combination! It's a winner!"
Oh, I forgot to mention there's also a "hint of lime and salt". I have to say I walked away from this one repulsed.
Years ago when I became a chef I promised myself that I would try everything edible. No culinary stone would go unturned. It was this promise and the fact that growing up if we said eeewww to something we had never tried then we had to try it that made me decide that on the first chance I get while on this trip with the right conditions (toilet, barf bag, mouthwash) I will try this bizarre concoction.
Well that opportunity came on my last night. When I got out of my training class I immediately went to the convenience store near my hotel. As I approached the store I saw that familiar neon sign. At first sight my stomach grumbled in protest and I felt that familiar tightening of my gag reflex that is usually reserved for seeing Guy Fieri or Paula Dean. At this location the clamato part of the neon was blinking...mocking me. I once again picked up my pace and swung the door open like a cowboy ready to get into the gunfight of his life. My tunnel vision led me past the rows of chips and cheese spread to the case where the Chelada logo was proudly on the window.
I once again swung the door open with bravado and then....nothing.
The Chelada shelf was empty. WTF?!? I asked the clerk if they had any more. Nope, sold out. I then proceeded to the next store and the next and the next. The same!
By now I'm thinking, genius! This must be a marketing ploy to create a demand. I know because after the fifth store I was DEMANDING one. Nothing....
I left Oregon with a sense of guilt that I should have tried it when the opportunity was there.

Chelada Part Two

Back in Portland, Maine. Usually when I arrive home from some time away I sink into a little depression. I tend to live like I'm still there for the next week or so. Whether it be cooking some of the new dishes I tried or mixing a cocktail that is reminiscent of the area I just visited. This time the depression was different. It was almost a kind of defeat that one gets when they can't have what they want. I WANTED A CHELADA! When my other, better half Denae picked me up at the airport I immediately went into my above rant.
During this rant we stopped at a gas station. I shuffled inside to pay and brushed past a potato chip display. A bag fell on the floor and I went to pick it up. That was when something caught my eye. Could it be? Is it? Yes! The object of my desire was sitting right there in front of me on the VERY bottom shelf. A beautiful 24 oz can of Chelada! I grabbed it and ran straight to the counter. I asked the Funion eating clerk how long we've had these on the East coast. "Umm...crunch crunch burp....I think like a year or sumthin'" A year!!! I thought it was a West coast thing. WTF?!?!
As I rode home with my prize an overwhelming feeling came over me...Crap!!! I really have to try this thing!!
To Be Continued....